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上杉神社の屋根修繕工事と並行して、まいづる幼稚園の南側にある、松ヶ岬神社の屋根修繕工事が始まりました。上杉神社と同様、安全第一で作業中です。しばらくの間ご不便をお掛けします事、ご理解とご協力をお願い致します。

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I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

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Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

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Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

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We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

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I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

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What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

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Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

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When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

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Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Hi there, what's up you guys???

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

Hi there, what's up you guys???

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

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If a man does his best, what else is there?

If a man does his best, what else is there?

If a man does his best, what else is there?

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

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